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Ask Asia: When a Black Man Loves a White Woman

Dear Asia, Here’s some drama that I need help with. How is it that in this day and age, African American women still have a problem with black men who date or marry outside of our own race? In my career, I have traveled the world and I have found that in the United States, this is the only place where this remains such a meaningless battle. I just want to know, who wrote the gospel that reads: Black men and black women are the only race of people who are not allowed to blend and procreate outside of their ethnic heritage, and where in the Hell can I find that book? My problem is that I’m a successful black man and I happen to love a white woman. What is so wrong about that? My momma’s mad, my sisters can’t stand her, and I can’t walk down the street with her without getting the stares. Now don’t get me wrong, I would understand it more if it were the slavery or Civil Rights era. That would be an abomination. Yet sisters become livid when they see us exercise our God-given right of freedom of choice. What if all black men were killers or rapists? Would it be right for us to expect all black women to be loyal to us if that’s all we consisted of? Absolutely not. Furthermore, we as black men don’t have those same hang ups when black women date outside of their race. We recognize that they have both the right, and owe it to themselves to select whoever they want to be a part of their lives. If God who is the God of all mankind gave us all the freedom of choice – He even gives us the option of choosing Himself or Satan – who are black women to think that they can take that right away? Answer: First, let me begin by saying thank you so much for writing in. Next, I want to let you know that I believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving anyone outside of your race. In fact, finding love of any kind is a blessing, regardless of race, age, religion, political party, socioeconomic status, etc. However, let me explain why some black women are a little heartbroken about interracial relationships. In 2013, 17 percent of African American men age 25 and older earned a college degree or higher. Black women have been more successful than black men in closing the gap when it comes to college degrees. In 2013, about 22 percent of black women age 25 and older earned a bachelor’s degree. To add insult to injury, approximately 13 percent of the entire U.S. population is black, but black men made up 37 percent of jail inmates of the 2.2 million men incarcerated in 2013. The incarceration rates disproportionately impact men of color. In fact, 1 in every 15 African American men are incarcerated. Now, factor in that according to a report released by Gallup in 2012, 4.6 percent of African Americans responded “yes” when asked if they identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. Black women literally have 100 black men left to fight over! I'm kidding; however, the numbers are very slim. You mentioned that your momma was mad, your sisters can’t stand your girlfriend and that you couldn’t walk down the street with her without getting the stares. Well, imagine if you were fighting thousands of men for the same woman? I think you’d be a little angry too, right? So, if you get the occasional side eye or even a neck roll from time to time, just remember that the struggle is REAL for single black women in America, and cut them some slack. I think it’s great that you are open to new cultures and that you are willing to see people for WHO they are, as opposed to WHAT they are. However, just as you want people to respect your decisions to date whomever you like, keep in mind that there are those that choose to date within their own race, and you need to be just as respectful of their choices as you want people to be with yours. There are no rules to love. Anyway, I hope this at least helps you understand the frustration around interracial dating. Although this column may not change much about your situation, at least you can now empathize with the pain felt by some black women regarding interracial relationships. Clearly you must be a catch, and we hate to lose the good ones! Take care, and thanks again for writing into Ask Asia! Asia Chandler-Morris is a radio personality with Majic 102.3 FM, a motivational speaker, a relationship expert, a mom, a wife and a friend. If you have a question for Asia, submit it anonymously via email to or via Facebook. Follow Asia on social media @AlwaysAskAsia.

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